Avalon

First posted on Facebook:

Photo credit, Rafal Opalski, unsplash.com

I started writing again. I want to do some writing from more of an empathetic standpoint and not an as much experiential. Thus the following series: 26 poems about fictional moms names A-Z. A few notes about the women contained in these poems:
1. Though written from a fictional and empathetic basis, we may have a few similarities.
2. The poems are about some deep subject matter. Consider thisa general trigger warning.
3. I have a deep and abiding reverence for the meaning of names. Each woman’s name holds a particular meaning. I will reveal neither the meaning nor significance of the meaning to the poem. Some things are best left to the reader’s quandary.

So I begin:

Avalon

She sits on the back porch
Choppy concrete steps
She’s made a semi organized life
Out of a ramshackle mess

Her fingers shake a cigarette
She tries so hard to light
She knows she’s barely maintaining
The remnant of her facade in the night

She’s done wrong a plenty
And she knows it
She’s done wrong a plenty
And she knows it

She inhales a breath of menthol
Straightens her potted plants once again
Thinks thinks about how her life took the great fall
By trading her son for heroin

Just a wee babe
A little for a distresser
Then came days she doesn’t think
She can remember

Oh he was born in the balmy light
Oh he was born in the balmy light

Her recollection sometimes vague
And she wonders if this is by choice
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” she breathes
She doesn’t want anyone to hear the noise

She was beaten as a child
She was taunted as a teen
She pulled through as headstrong as she could
Given the favor was so lean

Oh she’s had a rough life and she knows it
Oh she’s had a rough life and she knows it

She’s heard it all
Been called every name in the book
Her son was her redemption for awhile
One report too many was all it took

Began to be obsessed with the drug
Its consumption took place over him
A story told a thousand times
And she wonders how it will end

The state came and took him
Her heart momentarily stopped
Echos of the word “neglect”
Still intrusively pop

Oh he had to leave in the hazy light
Oh he had to leave in the hazy light

She’s turned her life around now
She prays to God it’s for real
Because the fear of losing him forever
Is enough to make time stand still

She remembers the halfway house
And all she gained there
And then the terrifying feeling
Of walking out into unsupported air

So she keeps to herself now
Save for work, NA, and the grocery store
Any social life being subject
To the possibility of before

Oh she’s living day by day and she knows it
Oh she’s living day by day and she knows it

Cigarette gone
She stares at the half starched moon
And thinks of how the supervised visits always end too soon

She can’t recall how long until she gets to see him for keeps
Never been good with numbers
But she’ll make a life for him or die
THAT her heart remembers

She has bodily scars that will never heal
From her beatings as a child
She struggles from the taunting
The struggling isn’t mild

Her past is her past
She reminds herself again
All we have is the here and now
That is what lies within

And as she places the butt of her cigarette carefully in the dirt
Her mind goes to new places
Places that do not hurt

Her baby boy will be hers once more
and she knows it
Her baby boy will be hers once more
and she knows it

Closing her eyes, a faint smile on her lips
She breathes a final prayer as the clock cohabitually ticks
She walks with confidence to go to bed for the night
Says a prayer for him and imagines the day he returns
balmy and bright.

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